There’s nothing to make you realize what a charmed and easy life you’ve led like the various mail delivery systems. At least, if you get as aggrieved (and insist on using aggrieved and only aggrieved, and possibly swan around your home wailing, “I’m so aggrieved!“) as I do by the UPS, USPS, and…generally I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem with FedEx, or if I have I’ve forgotten it in the way people forget the pain of delivering a… Read more »
Posts By: Claire
Phantom Appointments
Why do I keep getting calls from a doctor’s office in my neighborhood that I’ve never been to? This is actually a fairly easy question to answer: equal parts 1) I’m reasonably certain that this particular doctor was the doctor randomly assigned as my primary care physician (by my insurance), though I changed it pretty immediately; 2) This office clearly REALLY wants patients. Their approach is pretty off-putting and has gone through a few permutations since September. Why September? Maybe… Read more »
Plasticity
When I was twelve I had a water bottle purse. This is a difficult-to-describe contraption, but it was essentially a sling for a regulation size bottle of Evian or Dasani or what not, with a clear plastic strap to hang on your shoulder and three elastic circles to hold the bottle in place. Another twelve-year-old at my summer theatre camp had one, and I was exceedingly jealous. She not only had a lead role in the play but also looked… Read more »
The Fabric of Our Lives
As a child, I was really into the Cotton commercial jingle. That’s not really what I set out to write about, but it is related. I’d imagine most people of a certain age (and I say that because…I really have no idea how long the Cotton jingle persisted as central to its branding; I seem to remember a Zooey Deschanel version, which suggests that it lasted pretty far out of my childhood, but…who knows) would recognize it, or be able… Read more »
Training
Two kids on the train who must have been 12 or 13, both engrossed in their cell phones. Girl: Look at this! My aunt follows my instagram. Boy: How old is your aunt? Girl: Like, in her twenties Boy: Okay, that’s reasonable. (Shakes his plastic Starbucks cup, which is full of ice.) Man, I need more ice drugs! Two women in their fifties. One is consoling the other about a relative–mother, maybe? Woman 1: Well, of course no one wants… Read more »
Booklist: Part 4
Since I had just begun Deborah Eisenberg’s Your Duck is My Duck when I included it in Part 3, I need to start by saying that the title story was one of my favorites and it contains the most genius description of a puppet show I’ve ever read. I read about 1/3 fewer books this year than I have in probably the past 10 years. Is it the internet? Planning on more reading in 2019, but here are the last… Read more »
Standardization
I could never sit cross-legged as a child (I don’t think – okay, I know – they called it ‘criss cross applesauce’ back then, but maybe younger millennials will remember it that way). My hips just don’t want to rotate externally (quoth my pediatrician, about my feet and legs, “Good for a runner, bad for a dancer,” a pronouncement in direct opposition to my natural talents and proclivities (running is terrible and makes my tongue hurt)). Even now, after years… Read more »
Healthcare: Part…moving?
I don’t know how many times I’ve written about healthcare, and let me disclaim: I’m sure the intricacies of American healthcare that I’ve experienced are nothing, in the greater scheme of things. Oh, I’ve been incorrectly charged or double charged and I’ve had terrible experiences with the doctor’s office down the street…and prescriptions…but in general, nothing that took up as much time or money as the people in stories I’ve heard had to spend. However, I would love to know… Read more »
Of an Empty To Do List
I often think to myself, “What would I do if I had no items on my to do list?” And to be clear, I have two of those lists at most times. The weekly one goes on a folded sheet of notebook paper and the daily one goes on a napkin. Not just any napkin–the ones from the pizza place are too hard to write on, but the coffee and bagel store has the perfect napkins for my needs. (let… Read more »
Pony “Express”
I’ve spent a fair amount of time in post offices and they’re all generally frustrating, but they’ve all attained different levels of this quality. Long lines: probably. Grumpy people (customers and/or post officers): most likely. Kafka-esque conversations: Yes please! My Brooklyn post office is…pretty terrible. I go in expecting that there will be long lines and that if I have a question it’s 50-50 whether the teller will know the answer (which is not a critique of the teller/post officer…it… Read more »
