I used to read various slush piles in several past lives, and I kept a running list of some of the more memorable opening lines, final enjoinders, or premises for novels/books of nonfiction/short stories. (There used to be/still is an archive of an anonymous tumbler along these lines–though no longer active, it’s still funny: http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com/) Some people had questions or proposals for me: “Have you ever seen a book for lay adults about the human colon?” “We are in the… Read more »
Posts By: Claire
Oddments
Things I can never keep straight in my head: Complementary vs supplementary Inductive vs deductive Miss America vs Miss USA Song lyrics by the opening act of a show I went to a few weeks ago: “I am sensation. You are sensation. We are sensation…” (and so on…) They later sang a song whose primary lyrics were “Who am I? Who am I?” Hello, you’re sensation. I like the conjugation of a verb as the primary basis for an… Read more »
Birds and Words, Bees and Keys
Somehow I woke up this morning with a song stuck in my head that I haven’t heard since I was maybe nine (though, I will say, I have thought about it pretty frequently). The conceit of the song is…I suppose it’s explaining, amusingly, animal mating and where baby animals come from. Sample lyrics: There’s two kinds of wombats Dad-bats And Mom-bats Dad-bats love Mom-bats And that’s why There’s wombats He (Tom Chapin, that is, and yes, Harry Chapin’s brother) goes… Read more »
Earsdropping
Guy walking down the street complaining to his friend: “Now she’s got some Eggos divorced guy with kids” Well, don’t blame him; his ex-wife got the waffle iron. Spam comment I received: “Crossants can make my small dog sick he vomit two times” I think “cross ants” are actually more likely to make a small dog sick than croissants are, so points for accuracy. Note I accidentally typed in my July budget tracking document: $7 – coffee and scorn Very possibly… Read more »
Language Bits
Watching Wimbledon makes me wonder why British English refers to “sport” versus American English’s “sports,” but the UK studies “maths” rather than “math.” Technically, there are multiple maths, but also multiple sports; on the other hand, “sport” and “math” both work as categories. It’s just curious that British English and American English evolved to have one of each. I was in a yoga class the other day and the teacher had a very interesting way of speaking–as far as I could tell… Read more »
At Home, at School, and on the Street
Sometimes when I visit my parents they indulge me by joining me in watching gymnastics on TV. And by sometimes, I mean the Venn Diagram intersection of “when I visit my parents” and “when gymnastics is on TV.” During the men’s Olympic Trials (parents will remain anonymous so they have only a 50% chance of bashfulness): On the men’s outfits: “Are those like footed pajamas? On the men’s arm muscles, and social media: Parent A: “It looks like a… Read more »
Music “Appreciation”
Many moons ago I had the opportunity to read a number of essays written for a general music appreciation class. Because this class fulfilled a requirement and was geared toward non-musicians (or even to people with very little musical experience at all), and because the particular group of students seemed somewhat disinterested…the essays sometimes contained very interesting observations. On musical structure (like…A B A form…): “This piece is a ba ba ba. It is a beautiful pea.” On Chopin and his many nocturnes:… Read more »
The Pharmacy.
This is what I was thinking about the other day: The pharmacy: the city-acy the phlegacy the pharma-sky The pharmacist: the pharma-boil …that was pretty much it.
What’s in Your Purse?
I try to clean out my purse every so often because it’s generally full of garbage, but today I cleaned it out because I discovered, en route to work, that my metrocard was missing. Though I know that the staple women’s-magazine feature “What’s in YOUR purse?” is likely about as true to life as YM Magazine’s “Say Anything” column–which is to say, partially true and heavily edited–I always snicker/grimace when I think about what my response would be if someone… Read more »
Conversational
Overheard On the street: One guy to another: “It’s a lot of work, man–to pick an avocado.” Elderly woman to her elderly friend: “I share my birthday with Father’s Day this year…THAT SUCKS.” Someone catcalling me…I think: “Damn, red hair like Jesus!” Okay. In a high school: One student chasing another, shouting accusatorially: “They could have been twins! They could have been twins!” One student to another: “Oh? Incest? What?” Student to her friend: “I’m afraid to go on a cruise!”… Read more »
