Starting a group home for wayward parentheticals that have never been closed. Memorizing all of the area codes in the United States. Documenting every instance someone on the internet has stated, “I’m balling my eyes out!” Octopus yoga.
Posts By: Claire
Overheard on the…
THE PROFANE Outside of the doctor’s office: “I’m so fucking tired of dealing with these fucking people that I want to stab and kill!” On the street: “Oh gee Carlos, thanks for the shitty fucking Snickers!” On Bondi Beach, Sydney: “I’m her boyfriend, Liberace. Now get a focking haircut and fock off.” On the bus, woman talking on the phone: “Here is the fuckery of fuckeries: we have to accommodate Deborah.” THE LOVERS On the train: Him: “I don’t know what… Read more »
On Spam
I love checking my website admin page for comments. It’s like checking the mail; there’s always the chance that you get a real message from someone, but even if not, you might get a catalog that passes the time adequately, or online, your spam checker might catch something like this: “There are four form of birds inside your yard: The ones that summer along, those who spend the wintertime along (since you are warmer), the temporary ones (like migrating thru), then your… Read more »
Things My Students Have Said, Part 2
Part II. For part one, see here. 12- and 13-year-olds: Me to Latin student: “In ancient Rome female roles were usually played by men.” Student: “Oh, so they were drag queens.” Student, writing a poem about penguins and making a simile about tuxedos: “Well, often when getting married the guy has regrets.” “I always get JFK and FDR confused because the FDR road goes to JFK airport.” Student, honking very stuffed nose: “Look. It’s a trumpet.” … Read more »
Things My Students Have Said, Part 1
A multi-part list by age, collected over years (note: it is intentional that these are all from different years and that things like gender and specific age aren’t given, just to further ensure anonymity). 8- and 9-year-olds: “That’s really arrogant!” –in response to Purell’s claim that it can kill 99.9% of germs. “I don’t need water…I’m a free rannnnnnnnnnge chicken!”–after the mom asked, “Do you want some water?” Line from a book for fourth graders about a dog traveling w/Lewis and Clark:… Read more »
Halloween
I tend toward the overly ambitious and also procrastinatory when it comes to costumes. Sometimes the best ones come from waiting until the last minute and seeing what there is in the costume box (yes, I have a costume box. I enjoy a good theme party and also not getting rid of things). In the end I was BMO from Adventure time, and spent only $7. All of the things I wanted to be for Halloween: A butterfly or fish… Read more »
Technology Metaphor of the Week // 10
I’m doing a reading this Sunday that’s organized around the theme of technology…so I’m HOARDING all my metaphors for then! Or you might say I’m bookmarking them…but that would be fairly uninspired. Let’s say I’m dropping a pin on each one. Is that one of those metaphors that has bounced back (PINGED BACK) and forth from analog to technological back to analog? That is, did people literally stick pins in things that they wanted to remember, and that led to the Google maps… Read more »
Technology Metaphor of the Week // 09
The other night one of my roommates was complaining (rightfully!) about auto-play videos on news sites. I was in the other room so I didn’t see if it was an auto-play video that actually showed the news, or an ad. Either way, it’s intrusive, and according to what I’ve read, not going to disappear no matter how much we bemoan it. A few days later my other roommate went to a website to try to find information about internet rates… Read more »
Technology Metaphor of the Week // 08
From the brilliant Andre 3000: “If you got riches you got glitches. If you got glitches in your life computer turn it off and then reboot and then you’re back on” (from “Millionaire” with Kelis)
Technology Metaphor of the Week // 07
A sampling of how this week’s technology metaphor, “Leveling up,” (birthplace: video games) is used across genres…. “Leveling Up: Career Advancement for Software Developers” “Leveling up. Getting even with your friends in terms of the blood alcohol level.” “In order to level up you need to work out for an hour a day, save a quarter of your paycheck, and read a book a week.” Urban Dictionary tells me it’s also used as a reference to tripping on mushrooms, and that that’s a wink… Read more »
