I could never sit cross-legged as a child (I don’t think – okay, I know – they called it ‘criss cross applesauce’ back then, but maybe younger millennials will remember it that way). My hips just don’t want to rotate externally (quoth my pediatrician, about my feet and legs, “Good for a runner, bad for a dancer,” a pronouncement in direct opposition to my natural talents and proclivities (running is terrible and makes my tongue hurt)). Even now, after years of yoga, although I can sit in sukhasana, I still laugh every time that it translates to “easy cross-legged seat.” Please put me in supta virasana or something, truly (not really, but normal virasana with no blocks or props or anything is leagues more comfortable than sukhasana. 

Sometimes this inability led to me being…not in trouble, exactly, but semi-scolded. But why? Usually this happened not when I was sitting with my legs out in front of me on the trampoline at gymnastics (when it would have made sense to tell me to sit differently so no one tripped over them/landed on me), but when I was sitting with both tucked under me, folded into a smaller package than ‘applesauce’ and vastly more comfortable as well. In that case, it’s not a safety issue, so it starts to veer into a “small children must comply” and “there is one way of doing things” – granted, it was probably reflexive on the part of my instructor to some degree. But there’s  no reason for kids to have to sit identically if they’re not in the way (and that’s a loaded statement, I know).

I feel the same way about pen/pencil grip. It wasn’t so long ago that left-handed kids were forced to write with their right hands, and it’s not a big jump from that to “You must hold your pencil at this angle between finger x and finger y or it’s NOT CORRECT.” I’m pretty sure the “rules” about how to hold a writing utensil aren’t based on anatomy or orthopedics (but then, I do hold my pencil ‘incorrectly’ and I do have tendinitis…it must be due to my bad form and not to the years of tennis, harp, piano, and typing, surely!) I will add that the first grade teacher who tried to correct my pencil grip was herself “adjusted” by some higher up and instructed to form her letter y’s differently. But I still write them the way she did, with a scoop instead of a v forming the top! 

I don’t know how many times I’ve written about healthcare, and let me disclaim: I’m sure the intricacies of American healthcare that I’ve experienced are nothing, in the greater scheme of things. Oh, I’ve been incorrectly charged or double charged and I’ve had terrible experiences with the doctor’s office down the street…and prescriptions…but in general, nothing that took up as much time or money as the people in stories I’ve heard had to spend.

However, I would love to know HOW I ended up automatically enrolled in Medicaid.

I got a notification from the NY Health Exchange in November: “Congratulations! You qualify for Medicaid. You have been automatically enrolled and do not need to take any action.” Okay…I haven’t been on the exchange since I chose a health insurance plan last year, at which time I input my tax return, which shows that I definitely don’t qualify for Medicaid.

So I call the exchange and tell them about the issue, to which they say, well, it looks like you’re still enrolled in a qualified plan, so just ignore the Medicaid notice and reenroll in your insurance plan for 2019. I don’t love where this is going. Can I register somehow that I’m not TRYING to use Medicaid? No, I’m told. It will straighten itself out once I get a new plan, maybe.

I think that because of this glitch – which seems like it may not be super uncommon, though usually it’s a matter of someone almost-but-not-quite meeting the income requirements for Medicaid–which is much worse, because those are people who would qualify for a subsidy against a qualified plan, which they then can’t get because they supposedly have Medicaid (whereas it’s no problem for me to buy a plan at full price) – because of this glitch, I had to act as if I was purchasing my health insurance plan for the first time – ie as if I were choosing a new plan – rather than just being automatically reenrolled, but okay. It seems to work.

Then I got a Medicaid card in the mail last week. I don’t know why I find this so viscerally upsetting, but I think it’s a combination of 1) can I please document somehow that I’m not trying to scam the health insurance system, and 2) I’m sure this is happening to someone in the opposite direction (not, obviously, as a result of me mistakenly being enrolled, but the system doesn’t seem super…robust) and it’s a much more significant problem. 

I often think to myself, “What would I do if I had no items on my to do list?” And to be clear, I have two of those lists at most times. The weekly one goes on a folded sheet of notebook paper and the daily one goes on a napkin. Not just any napkin–the ones from the pizza place are too hard to write on, but the coffee and bagel store has the perfect napkins for my needs. 

(let me just put this here: no, these are not real problems. This is musing. A bull session.)

As a small, existentially distressed child I reacted with horror when my mom told me, apropos of the remodel they were doing on our house, that after they finished that, they would redecorate the living room, and then maybe my room, and then…it would probably be time to start the cycle again. The idea of never being FINISHED struck something in me. When do you get to rest and enjoy the changes? Now, as a somewhat less small existentially challenged (I’ve made strides; existential threat level is “guarded” most of the time here) adult, I find the opposite problem troubling: the ‘problem’ of having nothing left that needs doing. 

It *seems* like if I took the several pounds of loose change that currently sit in a plastic bag next to my door to the bank and turned them into more easily usable money, if I took photographs of the mementos (playbills, ticket stubs, printed photos, wedding programs) I’ve saved in manilla folders for 2006-2018 and could thus discard the physical items, if I recycled all of the electronics that are in a plastic bin in my (nonworking, but black-dirt-ejecting) fireplace…that I would feel somehow at peace. But I’ve had the experience of an empty to do list (weekly edition), and I know that the way I actually feel when that happens is PANICKED.

Even in theory, that shouldn’t be the case. If I manage to finish the stack of books and magazines next to my bed, dust all of my surfaces, take the stack of old sheets and t-shirts to a textile recycling place…I could always read a single, solitary book, start a new project, or practice harp. There would be no shortage of things to do, simply an absence of a backlog. But I’ve had the experience of finding myself, midweek, with every item crossed off and a lack of “have to”…and have been slightly anxious because of it. 

It’s definitely possible that if I hadn’t had the to do list in the first place, I wouldn’t feel anxiety over it’s “finished” status. I feel like there’s some similarity here between (I’m thinking of an Amy Clampitt poem here) losing a roll of film and all of the vacation memories it contained, but still having the memories of all of the things you didn’t photograph…it’s an imprecise metaphor, or one I’ve yet to untangle, but it feels accurate in some way. 

I’ve spent a fair amount of time in post offices and they’re all generally frustrating, but they’ve all attained different levels of this quality. Long lines: probably. Grumpy people (customers and/or post officers): most likely. Kafka-esque conversations: Yes please! My Brooklyn post office is…pretty terrible. I go in expecting that there will be long lines and that if I have a question it’s 50-50 whether the teller will know the answer (which is not a critique of the teller/post officer…it is, however, a structural critique, because the post office is like many fine institutions in that it’s designed to make accountability a shifty quality that bounces back and forth among different segments of the company and eventually falls to the ground, dead). I’m just happy that you can buy stamps from a machine instead of waiting in line.

In any case, I try to avoid the post office unless I miss a delivery (tiny mailbox=this happens often, although occasionally I’ve had an almost-fitting package stuffed into my mailbox and then been unable to get it out, because it would only fit out the top of the mailbox, the way it came in…like the mailbox needed to regurgitate instead of—ANYWAY, I digress, and it doesn’t egress). The “missed package” window is pretty straightforward and usually has a much shorter line than the general one. That is, unless it’s either closed (as it was the other day, and they did have a flat-rate envelope sort of propped up in the window, but it’s a post office, so it wasn’t exactly out of place and might have been more obvious if it had “Closed” written on it…) or you ring the bell intermittently for ten minutes before someone appears.

Today, there were only two people ahead of me, but the woman being served seemed to be inquiring about a missing package that she had sent, rather than one she was picking up…and the post officer was telling her she had no way of knowing where the package was but that it said it had been delivered, the woman countered that nothing had been delivered and no notice or anything, etc etc – very standard post office conversation. Then the customer gets frustrated that the officer is washing her hands of the issue.

Customer: I am a CUSTOMER. You need to stop making excuses and saying that it’s the other person’s problem.

Officer: Ma’am, I can’t tell you where the package is. You have to ask the post office in the area where it was delivered.

Customer: You should have some way of looking that up! How is it that you don’t have an internal system that can tell you these things? 

Man in front of me interrupts: What’s the zip code?

Customer: It’s in Queens! It’s (reads zip code)

Man: Every zip code has its own post office, so–

Customer: I know, but they should have a way of looking them up–

Man: I have Google. (starts to look for the delivery area post office)

Customer: THIS IS WHY THE US POST OFFICE IS DYING.

Man: Oh, there isn’t any service here.

Customer: (leaves in a huff)

Man: I got it! Oh, she left.

Bless the Olympics Channel for showing GYMNASTICS more than once a year. I was able to watch the Cottbus world cup the day after it happened. Actually, I could have watched it live with NBC commentators, but for whatever reason the rebroadcast had a completely different commentator: an older (sounding) British man who had definitely done his research but also clearly wasn’t a gymnastics commentator per se. He had some interesting things to say…

About Flavia Saraiva from Brazil, who is under five feet tall: “Well! She’s a… petite young lady, that’s for sure! She’s…very, very small.”

In response to a fall on vault, with no follow-up: “Noooooo!”

In response to…someone’s vault landing. No, this is not a gymnastics term: “Oh, the…top with the hips.”

Still on men’s vault:

“And just the big bunny jump.”

“And then finishes off with the hips over…very clever.”

“Almost nailed it again…that little bunny hop will annoy him.”

He had some things to say about women’s beam as well:

“Look at those toes working hard.”

“Those little socks…she obviously thinks that they help her…”

And women’s floor:

“That wasn’t very special, was it.”

“Not exactly nailed, were they, those passes?”

Back to Flavia. “You can imagine her as a baby, jumping out of the cot! She’s never really grown up, has she. The thrill of movement!” Come on, guy. She’s 19.

Not to be left out was men’s high bar:

“The crowd trying to boost him again…they’re very sympathetic to failure…Well, it was a solid performance, but a failure nonetheless!”

Overheard in my apartment building:

“Wait, you said there are a bunch of centipedes? Or just the one that ate my hand?”

“I’m trying to use charisma…I know a tastier person you can eat!”

“That’s not what “likely” means!” “What are you talking about? That’s literally the definition of ‘likely’!”

Overheard on the subway:

One older woman to another older woman:”She’s kind of a femme fatale. Always wears pink, never wears pants…”

After listening to them for a few minutes, I realized she was talking about her seven-year-old granddaughter. Lady, I’m not sure you have a solid working definition of “femme fatale”

While I was trying to make an important decision last week, my Duolingo Mandarin lesson gave me the practice sentences, “What is the thing you fear the most?” “I am afraid of change,” and “I cannot relax!” all in a row. So if you think your phone isn’t listening to you, well…

Radiation Nation, by Natasha Zaretsky: I read books about radiation at the same rate I read books about diseases and epidemics, which is to say as much as availability will allow me. I read about this one in my college alumni magazine. It’s very smart but unnecessarily jargon-y; it reads like a dissertation rather than narrative nonfiction (I suspect it was, in fact, a dissertation). In short, it was a relief when I realized that “52%” on my Kindle actually marked the end of the book and beginning of the notes and bibliography section.

Can You Tolerate This? by Ashleigh Young: I took the jacket off of this book almost immediately so that I could put it in my purse and take it on the subway with me (only naked books are allowed in my purse–it’s like a sauna in that way). As such, I didn’t read the back of the book or the inside cover description more deeply than when I first bought it. This is notable because, as a collection of essays, much of the framework of the book relies on context. I don’t think it speaks well of a collection if it doesn’t hang together without the help of material outside the diagesis, and I’m happy to say that ultimately, Can You Tolerate This? didn’t actually need the supplementary material to cohere, at least after the first few essays (also, maybe contradictingly, I don’t think a book should rely on blurbs/about the book, but I do think a great title that ties things together is a strength, and this is a great title). Ultimately I really loved it–there were a few shorter essays that felt like filler and could have been left out–and I’m happy essays like this are being published. By “like this” I mean deeply important but not ostentatiously about “important” topics, and extremely well written in addition to being important.

I’ll be Gone in the Dark, by Michelle McNamara: I read this just prior to visiting Sacramento! (Fortunately, they caught the likely Golden State Killer, who in the book is known as the EAR-ONS (a name that looks pretty odd out of context), earlier this year)) Is it a tautology to say that if you like this kind of book (I do) you’ll like this book? That’s not a dismissal–the writing is good and it’s horrifying and interesting–though I wish McNamara had had the chance to finish it before her death (and, of course, to see the likely killer arrested).

Fever Dream, by Samantha Schweblin: I admired this more than I enjoyed it, and I’m inclined to go down a wormhole of trying to define “enjoy” and also attempting to clarify that I don’t mean “admired more than I enjoyed” as damning with faint praise…but I think it’s an accurate summary of how I felt and so I’ll leave it at that. For some reason, perhaps because I was already thinking about titles/framing devices/front matter, I kept thinking that if this had been a short story (ie even if it had been the same length), I would have enjoyed it more. I don’t know if that makes sense. There’s a terrific uncanny feeling throughout, but the elliptical nature/the ambiguity of what was actually going on left me a little empty. I saw this book compared to the Southern Reach trilogy by Jeff VanderMeer and that seemed apt because I loved the idea of Annihilation but found it a slog in practice (and then tried to read the second book, Authority, and couldn’t). Going back to the idea of framing, the original title for Fever Dream when it was published in Spanish was “The Rescue Distance” which is a VASTLY better title and focus. I don’t know–I craved more explicitness.

Cowboys are My Weakness, by Pam Houston: I read almost all of this on an airplane, which is mildly ironic because I had started her book Contents May Have Shifted (which is essentially set on a series of flights) before traveling, but I had that one in hardcover and Cowboys are My Weakness on my Kindle, so…that’s how decisions are being made these days, in addition to “what’s due back at the library first?” (though that doesn’t apply to ebooks, because you just have to put your Kindle in airplane mode so your books don’t get yanked back when they’re overdue…).

Musicophilia, by Oliver Sacks: Because I write about music and the brain, I’d been meaning to read this since it first came out…Sacks is always enjoyable reading, but I had forgotten how anecdotal most of his work is (A Leg to Stand On being the exception among what I’ve read–and I would assume Awakenings is, too, though I haven’t read that one; I do remember the film adaptation as one of the first things I watch with great interest from my parents’ bed). I wished he spent more time on fewer cases and did more explaining of the neuroscience, even if speculative (and written for the lay audience).

The Undoing Project, by Michael Lewis: I haven’t read The Big Short or Moneyball or anything Lewis has written, but I’m sure I will after reading this one. I had been meaning to read Danny Kahneman’s “Thinking, Fast and Slow” for a while, and am even more interested after this brief introduction to his work with Amos Tversky on decision-making, heuristics, and mental biases. I was really sad, though, when halfway through the book I Googled both Kahneman and Tversky and went through a sequence of thinking “Tversky looks so much younger than Kahneman! Wait…IS he younger? That can’t be…they were young men in Israel at the same time…ohhhh.” If I had finished the book before looking for their faces, I would have learned that Tversky died in 1996. I do sort of wonder, re: Lewis, about the volume and popularity of his work and whether it will be consigned, like Malcolm Gladwell’s is (at least in what I’ve heard and read), to the realm of lightweight pseudo-science. But then Lewis isn’t writing science; he’s writing about scientists and their work, which is fundamentally different (though apparently people took him to task after Moneyball for having described a well-known phenomenon as if it were his discovery, but…clearly his editors hadn’t heard of it, if they didn’t point that out to him?) In any case, I do want to give him props for his subtitle, “A Friendship that Changed Our Minds,” because it sounds like it means one thing before you read the book and can be read in a few different ways after you finish.

Transcription, by Kate Atkinson: I like the loose connections among Atkinson’s recent books. (Okay, I said that before I actually got more than 20 pages into Transcription, which isn’t actually connected to Life After Life or A God in Ruins, though it does have a similar feel–beyond being written by the same person–in that it takes place during war, in London.) I will say…that I was disappointed when I finished. I enjoyed the book 95% of the way through, but the ending was lacking. The structure–flashbacks throughout–works perfectly well, but I didn’t actually understand the resolution, nor did I have a sense of completion, and the bookending device didn’t work at all for me. Still, I don’t wish I hadn’t read it, and I mean that as more of a compliment than it sounds.

The Witch Elm, by Tana French: I was extremely vigilant about determining 1) when Tana French was likely to complete a new book, 2) when Tana French’s latest book was set for publication, 3) when the library had the book on order. Hence I ended up only, I don’t know, 76th on the waiting list for this. I’ve read each of her other novels–my favorite remains The Likeness–and though I was initially disappointed that this one is a standalone (not narrated by a member of the Dublin detective squad) and didn’t feel that the voice rung true enough…I ended up somewhere between liking and loving it anyway. I can rarely predict the endings to mysteries, and while I pretty much figured this one out, French always writes her endings with so much nuance that beyond the basics (whodunit) I didn’t see it coming.

Your Duck is My Duck, by Deborah Eisenberg: I keep calling this My Duck is Your Duck accidentally, and then This Land is Your Land gets stuck in my head…I haven’t actually read beyond page 2 yet, but I already have library fines. Worth it! She is one of the greats.

An update on the health and safety of my paperbacks: although my parents claim that I need to look into planes, trains, and automobiles to ship my books to NYC after Christmas, my woman on the inside reports that her mother “is NOT going to drive that car [the car that effectively owns the storage unit, or engendered it, anyway] in the salt and snow in December!” So…a reprieve?

One thing (the only thing? Ha) I managed in my purge was not feeling that I absolutely had to keep all of an author’s books if I kept one (or most) of that author’s books. Some authors are polymaths and can do comedy as well as they do tragedy (Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, Ann M. Martin), but that doesn’t mean every outing is a success. I think the ONLY Ann M. Martin book I tossed was Ma and Pa Dracula, which, well, no one can do it all.

There were an inordinate number of books about unicorns and dragons. I remember liking fantasy, but…not really of that specific genre. Bruce Coville still makes up a significant portion of all of the books, but I got rid of his “Monster Stories” and “Vampire Stories,” “Ghost Stories,” etc, which, as an adult, look to me more like excuses to publish all of his friends’ work than solid collections. I’ll stand behind the My Teacher is an Alien series, as well as Aliens Ate My Homework, and most especially Goblins in the Castle. Bruce Coville has written more than 100 books. 100! I understand that books for children and even YA novels are shorter and so almost by definition take less time to write, but still…

Coville, Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, Ann M. Martin – these are extraordinarily prolific people. Granted, Ann M. Martin didn’t write the entirety of the Babysitters Club series and all of its offshoots herself (one doesn’t just produce multiple books every single month, especially without a spleen!), but she must have had some oversight. All of the BSC books cohere very well in spite of new characters, more outlandishly fabricated situations, etc. Compared to something like, well, the Boxcar Children after book #19 (#17? I think it was 19) – that became markedly different (and abysmal) after Gertrude Chandler Warner died.

One other small gripe: if at all possible, please don’t write a fantastic book in 1994 and then not write the sequel until 1999. The person who desperately wanted to read the sequel will have aged out of your series.

 

Some of the books that I never actually owned–I may have been allowed to go to the bookstore every time I had to go to the orthodontist, but I still really raided the library hard–are highly VEXING in how non-specific their titles are. I had been trying to remember for literal years two different series, both about groups of friends (duh, and also, don’t bother trying to consult Google) but finding myself stymied, because

  1. how can you search if what you remember about a book is not the author, title, name of the characters, or even plot points, but rather how you felt while you were reading it?
  2. why were multiple series called insipid things like Forever Friends or Friends 4-Ever??

And yes, those were in fact the two series I was looking for. I found one of them because…I guess my Googling skills must have somehow improved, or in any case when I–several years ago–attempted to do a Google search for “pen pals,” “spooky barn,” and “n’stuff boxes,” I really did not have any luck.

(I don’t know if it just didn’t occur to me to search for “teen series”” 80s” “pen pals,” or maybe I didn’t remember the pen pals element, only the barn? In any case…)

So that’s how I found Friends 4-Ever, which did in fact have a book whose cover shows the “pen pals” in a “spooky barn,” and another that I remembered a vague FEELING about but little else (ice skating…enemy moves in…OH YES, C U When the Snow Falls (all of the titles were indeed like that)).

The other series – the equally specific “Forever Friends” series – I’m sure I found only by trolling (actually trawling; I didn’t comment with take-downs of anyone’s taste in YA fiction or anything) various internet compilations of all the 80s and 90s series books. I find the choice of title even dumber in this case because the premise was actually less generic than just “group of four friends (guess what! All of them have different traits that generally don’t overlap; their Venn Diagrams look like a neatly ordered row of plates!). The Forever Friends, at least, had a party planning business (yes, yes, I know that was one of the most common tropes of middle grade series) and each book centered around a particular job/party.

I loved themes, basically. While we’re here, can we talk about how Ann. M. Martin most likely invented the character of Janine Kishi, Claudia’s “genius” older sister, as a way to lampshade the fact that no one (including Martin herself and me) knows how “Babysitters Club” would accurately be punctuated, so best cover all bases by having a sibling with an IQ of 196 who doesn’t know either but can discuss it in detail??

(I’ll never forget that discussion, which lasted several medium-font pages, but I did have to Google Janine’s IQ. I’m not made of magic.)

I’ll never lose my love for the great (and not great) middle-grade fiction series of the 80s and early 90s (and probably mid-90s, too; I was the 13-year-old who might read a Babysitters Club book while eating Pop-tarts after school, then finish my day with Toni Morrison), and I encountered many of them while going through my bins of books. To be honest, I kept most of them. I parted with the books for REALLY young chapter-book readers, like Patricia Reilly Giff’s Polk Street School series, which I remember reading until two or three in the morning one night when I was five or six (I had asked my mom if I could stay up all night reading; she, thinking I was joking or maybe doubting my night-owl capabilities, said yes; she was then horrified when she found me awake, reading, in the middle of the night, and I was confused because hadn’t we discussed it already?).  I wasn’t big into Sweet Valley Twins unless the particular book had something to do with gymnastics or acting, and I only had a couple of sad Nancy Drew and Encyclopedia Brown entries that I don’t really remember reading…but almost everything else survived the cull.

Definitely still residing in their temporary storage unit home: Sleepover Friends, Babysitters Club, Silver Blades (ice skating, obviously), The Gymnasts, and Ballet School. I believe there are more, but…I only took pictures – thus far! – of the books I got rid of.

Existential question: What makes a work of middle-grade fiction a series book? Does it require that a number be involved? Would you count Phyllis Reynolds Naylor’s “Alice” books, which you could put in chronological order and which now number at least 25? I would not, because there is no formula to the structure and plot of each book, nor do the characters mysteriously remain the same age and experience twenty autumns of eighth grade (which, you have to admit, is an EXCELLENT trick; think of how many Halloween costumes you could have in all of those Octobers…). I guess that wasn’t such a hard question to answer after all. Series books are, also, more heavily reliant on thematics. That and their familiar structure are what make them so comforting, and why yes I was horrified and appalled when I learned that some of my friends skipped chapter two – the one in which everyone is introduced and some fun fact or outfit description is given! – of every Babysitters Club book.

I did part ways, however, with some of the preachier series books, like…The Ten Commandments Mysteries? See below, and don’t worship false idols. Teen idols, maybe, according to some other 80s series, but not false idols. And didn’t we already learn this from the Brady Bunch? Tsk.