This weekend I’m camping in Pennsylvania. Russian Duolingo, accordingly, has been giving me the practice sentences “The forest is really close” and “I like sleeping on the floor.” (Other frequently recurring sentences are “My girlfriend doesn’t cook, but she can eat a lot,” “I like jumping!” and “Big Brother is watching,” so clearly it knows me well.) I spent a large percentage of my life believing that I hated camping, before sort out the data and realizing that all of the camping… Read more »
Posts Categorized: Blog
Overheard
In my house: “But I’m not a craftsman, you know? I’m not a maker of fine wearables. So I put the wings in a bag.” On the train: One woman to another: “The thing about time travel…” Other woman: ? First woman: “Is that even if you could go back and change something, you don’t have to go back and change something. You know?” Other woman: — From a middle-school student: Me: “Autotrophs create their own biomass, so… Read more »
Flash Fiction // 04
Before there was Johnny Appleseed there was Martin Luther, and he banged his thumb while hanging his 95 theses and thought about the end of the world. If he knew the end of the world was coming, Martin Luther said, he would plant apple trees. After this proclamation Luther retired into his brown robe and watched as King Henry VIII hybridized the church and saw how Gregor Mendel would hybridize the plants, and Luther’s theses fell into the ashes out… Read more »
Things My Students Have Said: Thailand Edition
I have to admit that most of these come from one student. His name was Tony (that was a nickname, which is standard; most Thai first names are 1-4 syllables and most last names are 4-6 syllables. My attendance sheet didn’t even list my students’ last names, only last initials, and on the first day of class everyone told me their nickname (some of them may have chosen new ones when they started college, but it wasn’t something done out… Read more »
When Your Hobbies Fade Away
While I was writing about widowed and orphaned paragraphs and blank lines, I was also watching a gymnastics competition streaming online, and Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” came on. Fitting! Between rotations the stream defaulted to a screen with the Pacific Rims logo and background pop music. My boyfriend says that the only time he ever hears pop music and the reason he recognizes most of these songs is that he watches so much hockey. The way he watches hockey: he records… Read more »
One-sided Conversations
Apropos of: not much–I had a dream recently in which “height” was not a measurable quality, and instead your upward appearance was measured by “vertical realness.” Things I’ve overheard: “I was throwing rocks into a metal dish. I apologize.” “Now would be a really good time to get back to the cup of blood and start drinking.” “Oops, it might have been me. I just ate something delicious and I may have sighed with pleasure.” “Oh, I was going to… Read more »
Flash Fiction // 03
Batty easily pushed the dirt out of the bottoms of her stiletto sandals. People hovered around her, handing her tissues, giving words of advice. Helping. As she removed her curvaceous arm from an equally luscious leg, the thin silk of her dress brushed pleasantly against her face. The party wouldn’t be over for hours. She had almost forgotten where they were, and had to remind herself that she was on a boat. Planting her feet firmly, she stretched until her… Read more »
Monster Culture, Part 3
Reasons people over the course of my life have said I’m a monster: An incomplete list. (or, alternatively, why I’m “always the worst”) I did not want to go halvesies on the purchase of a bidet for the bathroom. I never use dryer sheets. I refused to stay for the encore because I was tired. If I open the mailbox and there’s only one piece of mail in there, and it isn’t for me, I just close it as if… Read more »
Monster Culture, Part 2
Last year I was talking with a friend about what monster categories we and our friends/relatives/significant others would fit into. We ended up talking less about who was a vampire, who was a werewolf, etc., than we did about what the categories should be in the first place. Vampire, Ghost, Werewolf, Zombie, and Mummy seemed like the big five, but is there some overlap between Zombie and Mummy? Are they the same idea/metaphor/creature, just in different places in the world… Read more »
Monster Culture, Part 1
I have a really difficult time suspending disbelief enough to buy into the idea–on The Walking Dead and Fear the Walking Dead–of a Romero-less universe, where not only the term “zombie” but the concept of the dead returning is totally foreign. At the least, I thought when I watched the first mini-season of FTWD, wouldn’t you figure that you should run from or incapacitate someone who was ill and trying to attack/bite you? …I appreciate the impulse to try to… Read more »
