Before there was Johnny Appleseed there was Martin Luther, and he banged his thumb while hanging his 95 theses and thought about the end of the world. If he knew the end of the world was coming, Martin Luther said, he would plant apple trees. After this proclamation Luther retired into his brown robe and watched as King Henry VIII hybridized the church and saw how Gregor Mendel would hybridize the plants, and Luther’s theses fell into the ashes out… Read more »
Posts Categorized: Blog
Things My Students Have Said: Thailand Edition
I have to admit that most of these come from one student. His name was Tony (that was a nickname, which is standard; most Thai first names are 1-4 syllables and most last names are 4-6 syllables. My attendance sheet didn’t even list my students’ last names, only last initials, and on the first day of class everyone told me their nickname (some of them may have chosen new ones when they started college, but it wasn’t something done out… Read more »
When Your Hobbies Fade Away
While I was writing about widowed and orphaned paragraphs and blank lines, I was also watching a gymnastics competition streaming online, and Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” came on. Fitting! Between rotations the stream defaulted to a screen with the Pacific Rims logo and background pop music. My boyfriend says that the only time he ever hears pop music and the reason he recognizes most of these songs is that he watches so much hockey. The way he watches hockey: he records… Read more »
One-sided Conversations
Apropos of: not much–I had a dream recently in which “height” was not a measurable quality, and instead your upward appearance was measured by “vertical realness.” Things I’ve overheard: “I was throwing rocks into a metal dish. I apologize.” “Now would be a really good time to get back to the cup of blood and start drinking.” “Oops, it might have been me. I just ate something delicious and I may have sighed with pleasure.” “Oh, I was going to… Read more »
Flash Fiction // 03
Batty easily pushed the dirt out of the bottoms of her stiletto sandals. People hovered around her, handing her tissues, giving words of advice. Helping. As she removed her curvaceous arm from an equally luscious leg, the thin silk of her dress brushed pleasantly against her face. The party wouldn’t be over for hours. She had almost forgotten where they were, and had to remind herself that she was on a boat. Planting her feet firmly, she stretched until her… Read more »
Monster Culture, Part 3
Reasons people over the course of my life have said I’m a monster: An incomplete list. (or, alternatively, why I’m “always the worst”) I did not want to go halvesies on the purchase of a bidet for the bathroom. I never use dryer sheets. I refused to stay for the encore because I was tired. If I open the mailbox and there’s only one piece of mail in there, and it isn’t for me, I just close it as if… Read more »
Monster Culture, Part 2
Last year I was talking with a friend about what monster categories we and our friends/relatives/significant others would fit into. We ended up talking less about who was a vampire, who was a werewolf, etc., than we did about what the categories should be in the first place. Vampire, Ghost, Werewolf, Zombie, and Mummy seemed like the big five, but is there some overlap between Zombie and Mummy? Are they the same idea/metaphor/creature, just in different places in the world… Read more »
Monster Culture, Part 1
I have a really difficult time suspending disbelief enough to buy into the idea–on The Walking Dead and Fear the Walking Dead–of a Romero-less universe, where not only the term “zombie” but the concept of the dead returning is totally foreign. At the least, I thought when I watched the first mini-season of FTWD, wouldn’t you figure that you should run from or incapacitate someone who was ill and trying to attack/bite you? …I appreciate the impulse to try to… Read more »
Orphaned Secrets
What happens to something you told someone in confidence once you no longer care if anyone knows? Especially if, to their mind, you still want it locked away. I’m thinking of secrets I’ve told people in the past (high school, college) that I wouldn’t care at all, now, if people knew them. Or things that people told me that I doubt they care about keeping private anymore (not that I would chance it…I’m no monster). If you’re the keeper of secrets… Read more »
The Walls Have Ears
Overheard in living rooms, mine and others’: “I’ve got to be honest…and honestly, I don’t think that the orcs will punish them for that.” “Don’t I have that portable exsanguinator handy?” “Well, what are your thoughts? …On what? On the infinite blood coming out of this snake.” “Use it. Make us look like snake people.” “Also, we’re going to be holding up a giant eyeball.” “I like to ingest small businesses” (It took me a moment to realize that he… Read more »
