Being a child is confusing, and there were numerous things that confused me as a kid, but only a few that truly baffled me.
One was Groundhog’s Day. Okay, if he sees his shadow he gets scared and goes back in the hole, and that means six more weeks of winter? But if he’s seeing his shadow, that means the SUN is out. If he DOESN’T see his shadow that should mean more winter.
Also: poinsettias. It was utterly beyond me, when I was five and my aunt told me that poinsettias are poisonous, why they were poisonous. “But no one eats them!” I kept saying, which must have been really fun for her to try to rejoinder. “What’s the point of a flower being poisonous when no one eats flowers?”
The greater than and less than signs really gave me fits in first grade. I understood what “greater than” and “less than” meant, but I couldn’t figure out how you could tell the two signs apart…wasn’t one number always greater than and one always less than? The crux of the issue was: I didn’t realize that you were supposed to read them left to right. So 4 < 12 … sure, I know four is less than twelve. But twelve is greater than four. So which is it? A greater than or less than sign? I couldn’t articulate my problem to my teacher, so I think that remained a mystery for a while longer.
Then there were the things that didn’t confuse me because I had no idea I was getting them wrong, or that there was a different – correct – interpretation. I believe I was in my twenties when I realized that the lyric “Call it sad, call it funny – but it’s better than even money! – that that guy’s, only doing it, for some doll!” was making a gambling reference: even money. Until then, I thought they were saying gosh, it’s just so great, it’s even better than money!
…I also thought that my devoutly religious relative’s car had an LED screen on its CD console that said “LORD” in digital type when the car started. It actually was commanding the driver to “LOAD” a CD, so I may not be the most reliable narrator.
(Come on! I figured you could probably program it to spell out whatever you wanted, or something along those lines! It was the 90s.)
Brenda Hieronymuos
As I recall, you were fascinated by misheard lyrics from an early age. Hence, we have the calendar of misheard lyrics.
Dad
Amen on the groundhog – must run in the family.
In my day, we ate stuff then someone told us it was poisonous.
How about “the arrow points to the lesser number”. Simpler.
“There’s a bathroom on the right”. Don’t fret.
Your relatives were devoutly religious. The jumped conclusion is understandable.
Love you anyway, and you are delightfully amusing.