You know, like oversharing, but from the audience’s perspective.
(Maybe it wasn’t necessary to spell that out.)
On the train:
-Man whispering gently into his iPhone
-Guy to his friend: She was claiming that she had paid the landlord and he was screwing her sister, or something.
On the street:
-Teenager talking to her friend: I always tell my mom that she thinks of me as the bad kid, but really I’m the GOOD kid because I tell her everything before it happens. Like when I wanted to have sex, I told her, so it wouldn’t ever be a surprise if I got pregnant.
(Ed: Sure, no surprises there!)
From my students:
-Student: Do you remember when I got a goldfish for my English project because I’m just that bougie?
(Ed: I did not remember.)
-Student: Whenever I see a kid at school with a hickey, I say, Uh, did you make out with a leech?
(Ed: Making friends and influencing people–it starts young)
-Student, asking for food: MOM! Can I have cheese and a sprite and some strawberries?…and also a water for Claire?
To me: Did you hear how I advocated for you?
-Student, reading out loud: He had a conversation with a veterinarian
Me: With a what?
Student: A veterin–oh, a veteran.
(Ed: This was on MEMORIAL DAY)
-Student, reading a grammar exercise online in which the goal was to pick the appropriate punctuation for the sentence: Although Scott had enjoyed the carefree bachelor life ( , ; ) he preferred marriage.
Student: (hysterical laughter)
Student, when she’s stopped laughing: WHAT is that emoji??
Me: (dies)
Me, after returning to life: That’s…that’s asking you whether you need a comma or a semicolon.
